I've been buying the lie for years now.
A good Christian is inside of the church doors every time they are open. A good Christian looks like every other good Christian. A good Christian knows the scriptures and their addresses. A good Christian stays away from heathens.
You know, that sounds along the same lines as what the religious leaders thought in Jesus's time. They were the ones who should've recognized Jesus but missed Him.
Guess what, church?
Just because we can point out that they were wrong in the NT, doesn't change the fact that we have become religious, or that we are still breeding religion. We look at our friends' pictures of their latest party on our Facebook feed and think of how sinful they are. I'm not sure who is more disgusting, the people who don't know who God is and show it in their actions, or the Christians who put Jesus back on the cross and placed religious status on His throne...?Don't think I'm feeling high-and-mighty, because I'm not. Trust me, I'm filthy with religion too. Like I said at the beginning of this, I've bought into the lie and am still in recovery. I'm certainly not saying that I've screwed up these past four-and-a-half years of my walk with Christ -God is certainly bigger than any of my failures- but what I am saying is that I haven't been as effective in my personal ministry. Sure, I've planted seeds, but I look back and see that very seldom did I ever really nurture them.
I've been told for years how great of a leader I am and how I'll be a great pastor one day. A pastor...wow...that's creative. (And, no, that's not disrespecting pastors). I've led worship, preached, led a small high-school age church for four years, started up a non-profit, and am the freelancer-leader for any youth event. I have leadership down. I'm eighteen and I can influence people much older than me to follow my lead. By the church's standards, I'm pretty much a miracle. But I'm discontent. Why? Because how many of my friends do I have in my life who I don't keep as a prize (someone to boost status) or some kind of project (someone to minister or "fix")? One, and he's my youth pastor. It doesn't mean that I'm ungrateful for him or that I don't love my other friends, but it does show a disconnect. Jesus didn't really keep Himself in a religious dog-pile; He hung out with the sinners and was persecuted for it. He never worked on status and never viewed anyone as a project. If so, He failed. He was hated, and He helped and healed many people who turned their backs as His back was ripped open with lashes.
I've been in recovery for a few years now. The first dose of GetoffofyourhighhorseandlovepeoplelikeJesus (it's been around for a long time, but it's results tend to be controversial among believers)* was in my sophomore year of high school. It was the first day of second semester and I had a completely new lunch with new people. My semi-popular friends were in a different lunch and the only friends I had in my lunch were misfits. I sat with them as I looked around to see what people were thinking. I mean, I knew that I was weird, but sitting with the outcasts made it official that I wasn't cool. Thankfully, the GetoffofyourhighhorseandlovepeoplelikeJesus kicked in within a week and I learned to appreciate my friends. Today, they are some of the best friends I have.
Of course there have been many doses over the past couple of years, but I've recently had an increase in dosage (gotta love analogies). Over the last few months, I have been getting into sermon podcasts, receiving pastoral advice, and have been learning the ins and outs of full time ministry. I'm not sure what it was, but somewhere along the line, I started feeling....better than people. I spoke to my friends in leadership-mode, walked with an arrogant confidence, and had a formula for every church protocol. I was practically a religiologist, but deep down, I felt cold. I felt alone because most of my friends didn't want to be lectured at by Pastor Tina, and betrayed by God because I had been doing everything "right." I started dressing like a female church leader "should." I lost my crazy, tomboyish, loving personality and had conformed to what the religious world deems as "good." I was miserable.
Since then, I've been more like myself, fixed my perspective of ministry, and traded in the nice clothes for my faithful T-shirts (along with a lot of colour, mismatching, and basketball shorts). And, really, when I dream of my future, I just don't want to be stuffed into a church. Don't get me wrong, church is great and it keeps us supporting one another (iron sharpens iron), but I refuse to be Christian who hides behind church doors because that's where I can feel most accepted for what I believe. I've reached out to more of my weird friends from school and it turns out that I really enjoy being with them. We're all just a bunch of nerds and outcasts, but I'm showing them a Jesus that they never knew -the loving one. I definitely have my youth group friends who help me out and who are there with me every step of the way though! I've just really come to realize what it means to reach out like Jesus did. Never in my saved-life have I ever poured out into so many people as I do now. I've been texting people who I'm not best friends with, I've been taking care of friends even when it seems like they refuse to believe in Jesus, and I've felt more satisfied. I don't care whether I get recognized for it, I don't care whether the Church pats me on the back for it, I don't care what criticism I may get for it.....I just want to love like Jesus did. I want to hurt with people and tell them that there's hope, I want to follow Christ's example of how to minister, and I want to fess up to my failures and allow the world to see that I'm not perfect.....Funny thing is, I almost didn't type this.
