Ever since I’ve been alive, I have always been one
of those incredibly (and, at times, idiotically) brave people. For example,
most little kids catch butterflies. Not me, that was far too safe. I caught
bumble bees. That’s just begging to
get hurt. I’ve always enjoyed the
excitement and challenge of staring fear in the eyes. Whether it was climbing
trees or doing stupid stunts on an ATV, you could always bet on me doing
something that taunted all fears. I’ve always thought of myself as invincible.
I thought that fear could never stop me.
The
beginning of 2012 proved to me that I had let that statement become untrue.
Cowardice ran and ruled my life. Fear gripped my heart like tightly wrapped
chains; I was paralyzed. I avoided several things because I was afraid of how
it would turn out. I wanted to lose weight, but was afraid of relapsing with
Anorexia and Bulimia (like I had with every previous attempt). Was becoming
closer with one of my friends, but was afraid because I had just had a best
friend walk out of my life. Had numerous ideas come to mind that I wanted to
try, but didn’t because I feared failure. Wanted to get back to being myself
(for I had let people tell me who I needed to be), but I wouldn’t because I
didn’t want to see more people reject me. Immobile
and terrorized, I lived in a box that kept me within false securities.
I
could tell you that I had a great vision or revelation spoken to me, but in all
honesty, I didn’t. I have no real guidelines, scripts, or 12-step programs;
just two words: Step forward. If you ever want fear to stop overcoming you, you
have to overcome it. Did you know that because of Christ, you are stronger than
any fear? It’s true! Until you realize that, you won’t find freedom. It’s fear
or freedom, you have to choose.
Because I am sick of
complacency, I have chosen freedom these past few months. I have been losing
weight by being on a healthy diet. I have another best friend who has just been
completely amazing. I have confidence in being myself again and am not afraid
of failing (even when I screw up really badly!). All of these victories started
with a step. I fell at times, yes, but every time that I did, I got back up.
Every time that fear knocked me to my knees, I returned to my feet and
whispered under my breath, “I am stronger.”
There have been days
that I’ve wanted to go back to the familiar chains that fear offered, but I
keep my eyes on the Promise land, the life without slavery. Today, we all have
a choice of freedom. It is always just one step away. Look fear in the eyes,
take a deep breath, step forward with the courage of Christ, and overcome. You have now defeated and overcome fear.
“You gain strength, courage,
and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the
face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take
the next thing that comes along.'” -- Eleanor Roosevelt
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